A Very Merry Cullen Christmas
by BubblyPhantom
Summary: Regardless of your species, all chaos breaks loose around the holidays...
1. What the SUSHI!

**First _Twilight_ fic...woot! But I can't take all the credit because this is co-authored with my friend LOGI. (Make an account already...I MEAN...HATS OFF TO YA!)**

**And if this doesn't make sense to you...I'm sorry. Our humor's kind of weird. (Heh...)**

**Hope you enjoy anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the characters, Abercrombie, Victoria's Secret, or America's Next Top Model.**

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All was peaceful on Christmas Eve in the local Fork's mall. Stockings were hung in the window displays with care, in hopes that the managers wouldn't kick the employee's butts for getting lazy around the holidays. In Victoria's Secret nestled an average looking human girl who was trying to escape the clutches of a peculiar petite vampire. 

"Come on, Bella, try this on!"

Bella shrunk away from Alice and the pink ensemble she was holding.

"Never!"

Unfortunately for Bella, Alice was much stronger than her, and it wasn't just because she drank her daily requirements of milk. She pushed a screaming Bella into the dressing room and showered her with more pink garments.

"Get it off me!!! The pink!! Aughhhh! I'm melting…melting!!!! No!!!"

* * *

**Meanwhile….at Abercrombie…****

* * *

**

"Gasp! My Bella senses are tingling!"

Edward dropped the $99.99 cashmere tube top engraved with bold letters "FITCH" on the chest area that he was going to buy for Emmet. He sprinted to the Victoria Secret, in hopes of finding Bella while avoiding the stares he knew he would get whilst entering the store.

But it doesn't seem to work if you're hot.

"Finally! You're here!" The store manager ran up to him. "You were supposed to be ready for the show an hour ago!" she screamed at him.

For once, Edward was befuddled. "But..but…I…"

Ignoring his unnecessary stammering, the woman whisked him off to a changing room and stuffed him into a pair of holiday silk boxers. Before he could object, he was knocked out with her mullet.

The next thing Edward knew, he was being paraded down the mall with angel wings strapped to his back, for the annual Fork's Holiday Parade. He looked around for anyone or anything that could help him get out of his attire (although the wings did make him feel heavenly…) but he found not a friendly face, nor a pair of scissors. Suddenly, he heard his name being called from the back of the group.

"So…you too?" Jasper said, out of breath from trying to catch up with him. "I walked into Express to buy some tank tops for Alice when this lady drugged and forced me onto the runway in this hideous get-up!"

Edward eyed him over. Jasper was decked out in a pink blazer and a flowy skirt that just exceeded past his knees.

Jasper's face crumbled as his eyes met Edward's look of utter disgust. "I know, it _is_ hideous, isn't it?" He started to cry. Edward patted his shoulder awkwardly and kind of half-carried him while trying not to trip on his own eight-inch stilettos.

A woman that appeared to be the non-drag queen version of TyTy Banks met them at the end of the runway. "Hey ya'll. Listen up. There's a great prize for the winner who can really WORK IT on the runway today."

Jasper, in a desperate fit of needing some attention, perked up. "What's the prize?!" he asked frantically.

TyTy just laughed. "Just work it, girl, and then you'll find out."

"I'm a boy."

"Riiiight…."

Suddenly, the ANTM's theme song blared through the speakers. Fortunately, the two boys were avid fans of the show and were put into a fit of model behavior. Edward pushed Jasper off the runway and started to _strut his stuff_. Jasper fell into the orchestra pit and landed into the tuba player, knocking them both unconscious. Edward then elbowed the little Claire's model and sent her flying across the entire first floor. He eyed TyTy in the audience and tried to "dazzle" her with his golden eyes. She looked shocked and taken aback ….but winked a moment later.

"Hey, that ain't fair, yo!"

The entire audience gasped and turned to the direction of the voice. Coming at them was a very tall, muscular male who appeared to be representing Hollister in his knee-high stockings, platinum Ugg boots, denim micro mini and white string bikini top.

In short, Emmett.

"Emmett!!!" Edward bellowed. "This is MY chance to shine! Back off!"

"No, little bro! _**I WANNA BE ON TOP!!!!**_"

This aroused cheers from the audience, who watched in glee as Emmett knocked Edward down with his signature kung fu soy sauce high jive kick. The spotlight landed on his muscular features. Sweat dripped off the edge of his nose as he and Edward battled for their moment of fame. Somewhere during this time, Jasper regained consciousness and jumped on the stage.

"Hey, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME OUT OF THINGS!?!?!" He jumped on Emmett's back, pulling at his hair.

"Hey, that haircut costs more than your soul!"

"I don't have a soul."

"Oh, yeah. Right."

The three vampires wrestled each other until the song came to an end. Each of them ended with his signature poses. Edward had his hand on his hip, his chin jutted forward, and his eyes sparkling. Emmett stood with both hands on his eyes. (His own eyes, not Edward's). Jasper had his legs and arms thrust in the air.

"Who wins?!" Edward asked TyTy Banks.

TyTy looked at her clipboard and back at the boys. "Fork's next top model is…" The intense music started playing and the boys clung together in anticipation. "…Emmett!"

"WOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Emmett was then showered with cotton balls, swabs, and other fluffy toiletres, along with a bouquet of flowers. "Oh, Thank you, thank you!" he shouted to the cheering audience while dabbing at his eyes with a hanky.

"Emmett, does Rosalie know about this?" Edward inquired.

Emmett paused in his steps and threw the flowers to Edward. "Oh crap!" he cried, running off towards the exit.

"Yes, it worked!" He high-fived himself because Jasper was still crying in a corner.  
TyTy strolled over to him with a box in her hands. "Congratulations, Edward." She handed the box to him.

"Is it a lifetime supply of Porsches?" Edward asked.

"No."

"A soul?"

"Even better."

Edward frantically tore the box open to reveal...a plate of sushi.

"WHAT!??!?!?!"

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	2. Jewish Uggs

**Hey hey...Thanks for the reviews!**

**Note: This is co-authored by LOGI, if I don't give her credit every time then that wouldn't be very nice of me, would it? And also I wouldn't have to be run over by a mullet.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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Edward's eyes lowered as he tried to hold in a growl. The crowd around him made an attempt to lift him and carry him off. But they were taken aback by how _icy fresh_ he was. (Get it? ICY fresh? hahahahaha). He grabbed Jasper out of the corner, where he had been cuddling up to a plant, crying silently. With his vampire friend in stow, Edward stalked back to the Victoria Secret to find Bella.

"Edward?"

"What?" he snapped back.

"In this light...your chest looks really masculine," Jasper told him. Awkwardly, Edward let go of Jaspers arm and took a couple of steps back.

"I...um...thank you?"

"I didn't know you had a six-pack." Jasper reached out to put his hand against Edward's pale chest.

"I liked it better when you didn't know." Edward took off running to the Victoria Secret, with the sushi plate still in hand. He didn't stop until he reached the changing rooms. He spotted Alice in the corner, sporting a fluffy bra and pj-pants...pink of course.

He went to tap her on the shoulder, when she turned around and slapped him hard across the face.

"What are you doing coming on to my husband?"

While massaging his cheek, he answered," I did nothing! He came on to me! You might consider talking to him!" As they argued, Bella stepped out of her changing room.

"Alice, I hate it."

She was wearing an outfit identical to Alice, except she had a pair of pluffy pink Puggs on her feet.

Edward almost fainted. "Bella..._what_ are you wearing?!"

"I think the question is, what _aren't_ I wearing?!" Bella shouted as she hid behind a lump of conveniently placed clothes in the center of the store. "Can someone please put me in a sweater???"

"Oh please," Alice scoffed unsympathetically. "You look good." She eyed Jasper and shook her head with disapproval. "_You_ on the other hand. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! You look like Barbie threw up on you!" Then tears started to well up in her eyes, even though she didn't have a soul. "Jazz, is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"My name's not Jazz."

"Oh. Sorry."

Suddenly, the lump of clothes exploded and knocked down anyone within a 9.8 radius of it.

"Ta da!" cried Emmett.

"Emmett, WHAT are you doing here?!" everyone shouted.

He looked around sheepishly. "I thought it'd be fun..." he said shyly.

Everyone groaned.

**APPROXIMETLY 5.6 MINUTES LATER... **

"Jasper, I like your tights."

"Um...Emmett, I'm not wearing tights."

"Oh..."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Alice slapped Edward again. "Why are you still in my husband's thoughts?!" she demanded.

Edward threw his arms in the air like he just didn't care. But he did. "It's not my fault!" he cried.

"Deal with it," said Alice.

"Have you people forgotten all about me?"

Everyone turned to stare at the angry human girl.

"You know what guys? She's right," declared Emmett. He pointed to Bella's boots. "She's got on the hottest boots in all of Forks. She deserves our attention. But wait...they don't even sell Uggs in Victoria's Secret." He gave the nonblonde blonde vampire a mischievous grin. "Alice..."

Alice shifted her eyes right to left and left to right. "Well..._they should_." She huffed and locked herself in the dressing room to change.

"Wait, Emmett, how could you possibly KNOW that?" asked Bella. Emmett just whistled and started filing his nails.

As if on cue, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde nonblonde ran into the store. "Guys, you'll never believe it! I-" She stopped when she saw Bella and gave her a look of disdain. "What are YOU doing here?"

"It's good to see you too, Rosalie," said Bella wearily. But we all know what she was really thinking. Unfortunately, it's not suitable for this rating.

Rosalie flipped her blonde hair back, purposely hitting Jasper in the eye with it.

"MY EYE! IT BURNS!!!!!!!" he cried, clutching on to it for dear life.

"Oh, Jazz," called Alice from the dressing room. "Relax, you're a blonde too."

"It still burns!" Now he was twitching on the floor and rolling around in a circle while moving his legs.

"Whoah," said Emmet. "That is NOT a pretty picture."

"Hey, isn't he supposed to be the calm one?" asked Rosalie.

But Emmett didn't answer because he was too busy staring at her. The store manager, in an attempt to get her fifteen minutes of fame in the story, played some sappy music.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..." everyone in the store said.

Bella stiffened. "Edward, how coming they're not _awwwwwing_ at us?"

But Edward was too busy cringing and grabbing his non-topaz hair. "GAH! Couldn't you guys have warned me before you thought that?!"

"Sorry, bro. I just can't help it." And with that, Emmett lifted his blonde wife up _bridal-style_.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"Um...what was that for?" asked a frazzled Rosalie.

As usual, Emmett's mind drew a blank as he stared off into space. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't know. I saw it in a movie once."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"Okay, now that's just getting annoying," pouted Bella. She snapped her fingers. "Edaward, carry me, please."

Unfortunatly, Edward looked to uncomfortable to do any lifting. "Bella, you know that I could kill you," he hissed.

"Stop using that as an excuse all the time!"

"It's not an excuse! Tell her, Emmett."

"Um...you know how I failed Health Education sophomore year."

"GUYS, IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The dressing room door flew off the hinges as Alice stepped out wearing a green sweater with deer on it (drawings of, not actual deer), a mini red skirt, black tights, a Santa hat, and Ultra fluffy red Uggs with bells on them.

Yes, you heard correctly. Red Uggs.

"Alice, what awkward timing," Edward noted.

"Well, the convo was getting too awkward for ME. I don't need no details about yo love life!" She pranced to Jasper before anyone could object to her awkward timing and awful ghetto tone. She picked him up and brushed the imaginary dust off him.

"Thanks Al."

"No prob," she said, blushing, even though no blood existed in her body.

"Awww-"

"OH SHUT UP!" shouted Bella.

**A COUPLE STORES LATER... **

The GANG was walking out of Libby Lu to buy some lip gloss for Emmet cause he ran out.

"Alice, stop bouncing on me!"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm just so excited! IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

"Vampires celebrate Christmas?"

"Now I'm insulted. And bipolar. OF COURSE WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!"

"No, I just meant...isn't Jasper Jewish?"

**COLLECTIVE GASP!**


	3. Bleeding Presents

**Thanks for the reviews again!**

**And if you're wondering while we're still writing even though Christmas was a million years ago...it doesn't matter! Plus...Logi wouldn't stop bugging me unless I posted another chapter so here it is.**

**Note: This is co-authored by LOGI, as you can see.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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"I'm not Jewish! I'm a vegan!" Jasper exclaimed, folding his arms across his chest.

Everyone stared at him for the longest moment. Edward finally broke the silence with his velvety velvet voice. 

"Um...Jasper? You know you don't eat...right?"

Jasper was now caught in his lie to be an attention-hungry activist. "Well...um...yeah...but...you know...I'm just against the whole consumption of animals though..."

"Then how do you go hunting with Edward and Emmett every couple of months?" asked Bella.

Jasper glared at her. "Well, if I wasn't a vegetarian, then you'd be dead by now, wouldn't you?" Bella shrieked and hid behind Edward.

Suddenly, Emmett shrieked out loud and began jumping up and down with his arms flailing about. He looked very much like a half-baked chicken with mashed potatoes on the side.

"OH MY GOSH!!!! My favorite store is having a sale!!!" He began sprinting across the mall, running over the small children and elderly men. The group of vampires and that little girl followed him, rolling their eyes as they entered the threshold to…_The Disney Store_.

Da Da Da Dun… 

"Hey guys, I found my Ratatouille costume!"

**_DA DA DA DUN……_**

"Wow, you sure do know how to pick 'em Rosalie."

"Shut up, Jasper!"

"Rose, I am shocked and appalled by your language! Aren't you supposed to be a lady?"

"Get out of my head Ed!"

"Oh...how I wish I could!"

"Hey! Why does she get to call you Ed? I want to call you something cute! How about...Eddie McMunchers-kins-adoodle-sweetpot-a-planty-yummu-in-my-tummu-blood-sucking-dracula-poopsie-pixxybobs!"

"Uh...sure...Bell, whatever you want."

"Hey, since when did 'pixy' have two 'x's in it?"

"I think you're missing the point of it, Emmett."

"Can I get that name on a t-shirt," Jasper giggled.

"Jasper, why can't you ever just chuckle? Chuckling is so much more manly than giggling."

"Rosalie, you just answered yourself!" Rosalie and Edward enjoyed a good laugh until Edward withdrew from the little circle suddenly and looked at Jasper.

"Thanks a lot, Jasper! Now I feel abused and dirty!"

"You're welcome."

While all the commotion going on, no one noticed that Alice was no longer with them. (That ditcher…) Bella also quaintly slipped away to sit in a corner and surrounded herself with Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals.

Side note: What is a Pooh? If any of ya'll know, can you please explain it to me via review? Thanks.

"Guys look what I bought!!!!" Emmett roared over the Mary Poppins movie playing at the back of the store. (SUPERCALIFRAGALISTICEXPIOLODOCIOUS!) They all crowded around to see, because, of course, they had nothing better to do. Emmett pulled out of his shopping bag an Emmett-sized dress from Enchanted, the latest original Disney movie since the pioneer days.

"I got the DVD and the sound track too!"

"That is soooo cool!" Edward exclaimed. He looked genuinely excited to have the dress in his hands. (Um…) Amongst all the _ooh_s and _ahh_s, Alice quickly joined them all in the store waving around some pieces of paper. She jumped up and down trying to get their attention when she decided to just shout, "WEREWOLFYS"!!!!

That did quiet them, but they all wondered why she had just added the 'y' to the werewolves.

"I have the best news! I signed us all up for a Christmas Scavenger Hunt at the mall! The gifts go to underprivileged mailboxes! Isn't that great? It starts in an hour!  
Bella suddenly jumped up from where she had been sitting, clutching a Piglet in her arms.

"I LUUUUUURVE mailboxes!"

COLLECTIVE SILENCE!

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****

**An hour latah…**

"Bella, I can't find anything!"

"Alice, then maybe you need glasses."

"I'm a vampire. I don't need no bling fo my eyezzz!"

"All right, will you stop with the ghettoness already?"

"Oh. Sorry."

The group had split up into girls versus boys, with Rosalie, Bella, and Alice on one team, and Emmett, Edward, and Jasper on the other. This story's been quite confusing with the gender roles, so I just thought a clarification was necessary.

"Rosalie, what does the next item say?"

Rosalie had made herself the official reader-outer for the challenge and cleared her throat. "Item Number 64: a piece of paper."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!"

* * *

** Meanwhile… **

"Yo, I wonder if the girls are having a harder time than us!" questioned Jasper.

"Stop being so ghetto fabulous, Jazz." 

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"Will you two shut up and help me find the next item on the list?" Edward screeched. "'A tube of lipstick.' Oh great, we're gonna lose!"

Emmett just whistled and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Um…Emmett, may I borrow your lipstick?" Edward asked, hoping his assumption was wrong.

Emmett brightened up, even though they were inside and it was raining. "Sure!" He dug into his pocket and fished out a tube of Merry Cherry Cannery Lip Balm.

"Um…thanks."

Jasper's eyes widened. "Emmett…are you….special?"

The muscular vampire jumped on top of a pedestal and flexed his muscleness as imaginary wind flowed his hair. "I SURE HOPE SO!"

"Oh boy…here we go."

* * *

**That night… **

"I can't believe you guys won!"

"It is SO NOT FAIR!"

"I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!"

Everyone turned to Alice.

"What?" she asked innocently.

The boys were proudly holding up their prize of a lifetime supply of Red Bull as the girls pouted in their corners. "We are SOO good."

"You guys just won because Emmett had all that girly stuff," said Rosalie. Everyone else had to agree with her.

"Hey, let's build a fire!" exclaimed Alice. Before anyone could object, she dashed off to the woods to get some wood.

When she came back, everyone had already started passing out gifts.

"Hey, you guys started without me!" she pouted.

"Too bad," said Edward. "You were too slow."

"I WAS NOT TOO SLOW I TOOK ONLY FIVE SECONDS!"

"WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN BELLA GETS HEADACHES WHENEVER YOU SCREAM!"

"WELL IF YOU DIDN'T HOUND ME ON MY SPEED LIMITS THEN MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE TO YELL THIS LOUDLY!"

"CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?!"

"I HATE YOU!"

"WELL I HATE YOU!"

"GOOD!"

"BY THE WAY ALICE HERE'S MY GIFT FOR YOU!"

"THANKS!"

She quickly tore off the paper to reveal…a pair of fluffy glow-in-the-dark Uggs.

"Oh thank you Eddy!" She gave him a hug.

"Don't you have, like, twenty pairs of those boots already?" asked Jasper, clearly annoyed by how much space the fluff balls of fluff were going to take up in their closet.

Alice didn't respond. She threw a box in Bella's face, giving her a nosebleed. But luckily, Jasper was heavily medicated on Red Bull at the time so it was _all cool_.

Bella tore open the box to reveal…a box of tissues. "Um…thanks Alice. I can wipe the uncontrollable blood gushing from my nose with this."

Alice beamed. "I knew you'd like it!"

Bella threw a box at Emmett. "Sorry, there's still some of my blood on it."

"That's all right. It doesn't smell that great anyway. I don't know why Edward's always gushing on about it."

"EXCUSE ME??"

But Emmett had already ripped the My Little Pony wrapping paper off it to expose…a My Little Pony pony.

"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" he bellowed, holding up the horse. "Look, Rosalie, look!"

The blonde warily gazed over at the pony. "I see, Emmett. But you're going to have to look after it, okay?"

"Okay! I promise."

"Who wants pineapples?!?!" Alice flounced in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of chocolate-dipped pineapples.

"We can't eat those, sweetie," Jasper reminded her.

Alice's face fell. "Oh…you're right. I forgot."

Edward shook his head. "Sometimes, Alice, I think you're a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

Alice's eyes grew wide as she grinned. "Oh, I love Burger King!"

"Umm…."

"Edward, what did you get meeeeeeeeee?" Bella asked, trying to be flirty but apparently was failing. FAILING.

Edward looked uncomfortable. "Um…I didn't get you anything."

COLLECTIVE GASP!


	4. Whipped

**Wow! Another year! Thanks for the reviews; we're hoping for continued feedback!**

**This is co-authored with SewMuchBetter. Go visit her account. (Sorry for that cheap attempt at self-promotion.)**

**SMB: HEY!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, or Forever 21, or "The Boys are Back," or snow cones. Yeah.**

* * *

_BubblyPhantom_: They returned to the mall-

_SewMuchBetter_: MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, PLEASE!

_BubblyPhantom_: They skipped to the mall….

_SewMuchBetter_: Let's try this…..

The eight vampires plus Bella and now Carlisle and Esme, returned to the mall in Edward's Volvo-

_BubblyPhantom_: That's no different than what I said!!

_SewMuchBetter_: SHUT UP!

…in Edward's Volvo, with Bella stewing silently in the back. They cruised around the parking lot (on cruise control) trying to find a decent parking spot.

"Edward! Edward! There's one right there!!! Dammit Edward!" Emmett cursed at him from the backseat.

"It was too far, Bella could have gotten cold!" Edward retorted, spinning the steering wheel once more.

"Are you whipped, Edward? Do you kids still use that word? Whipped?" Carlisle asked from the back, back seat.

"Hey, how far did you go with her?" asked Esme.

Edward blushed. Like a girl selling brownies at a bake sale.

Bella looked pissed, but was quickly calmed by Jasper. "We would've gone farther but Edward keeps bringing up the whole 'I could kill you' s************************************."

"Chicken!!!" Jasper called from the back. Laughter filled the back of the car that Edward was driving in the snow in Forks in the United States of America on Earth….

"Its not that hard!" Emmett said, chuckling. Even Bella had joined in now.

"That's what she said!!!" Alice exclaimed.

"What did she say?" Carlisle asked, clueless.

"****************************…." Rosalie muttered even though everyone could hear her.

"Edward, dear, just find a parking spot," Esme said.

"Okay."

* * *

**Five minutes later in the mall……..**

"That's it??? You gave up that quickly?" said Bella.

**Flashback**

"_How old are you?"_

"_Seventeen." _

"_How long have you been seventeen?"_

"_A while."_

"_Okay."_

**FLASHFORWARD**

"I remember that day fondly," said Edward leaning down to meet Bella's eyes. She gazed up at him. " I love you."

"If you love me so much then why didn't you get me a present?!?!?!?" She slapped him and walked towards Alice who was buying a snow cone.

"Alice, you don't eat snow cones!"

"But I'm hungry!"

"No!" Bella gave up, exasperated. Edward took Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper to finish up some last minute shopping. But before heading off to Forever 21, they skipped merrily around the Christmas tree hand-in……..hand. (A/N: what you think we were gonna say???) They pranced down the mallway to the doors. They paused for moment to soak up the atmosphere of the store, which quaintly had a very absorbable atmosphere. Some cheesy musical music started playing in the background.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!" Emmett shrieked and began to jump up on Edward, who responded by pushing him to the flo.

_The Boys are Back!_

_The Boys are Baaaaaaaaaack!!!_

As if on cue, the men (vampires? Manpires?) strolled into the story with a fan blowing their hair back and stepping in time to the music. The cashiers and assistant managers' mouths fell open at their sheer beautosity.

"Okay guys, battle plan!" Jasper had them huddle around in a rectangle. "Edward, stuff for Bella, Carlisle, stuff for Esme, Emmett….an update on your wardrobe! STAT!"

"What are you going to do Jasper?" Edward asked, genuinely curious.

"I already got my Alice stuff, I'm on top of it guys…" He smiled smugly.

"That's what she said…" Edward mumbled.

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be the mature one?" They all enjoyed a hearty laugh (even though they don't have hearts) until a loud gasp broke up their good spirits…Christmas spirit that is.

"What the hayell are you filthy blood-suckers doing here?" it was a familiar voice, but not at all friendly. Because they weren't friends. Because they didn't have anything in common. But they would share an occasional frappacino from Starbucks every other Tuesday (Except for the last Tuesday of every month). It was Jacob.

Edward stalked over to him, angrily. "What are YOU doing here?"

"I'm buying Bella a Christmas present!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…." The vampires and the rest of the shoppers gathered around them to watch the smack down. Emmett had popcorn.

Edward growled.

Jacob growled.

Jasper growled.

Emmett munched.

"Hey…hey…Emmett?" Carlisle asked hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have some of that?"

"You guys can't EAT!!!" Edward shouted at them.

"Leech."

"Mutt."

"Emmett!" He just wanted to be included.

"Dracula."

"Hairy."

"White."

"What?!?!? You Bein' racist now!? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell na! We gonna start some s*********** up in this hood!"

"I challenge yo vampire a***** to a smack down!"

"Na, na, I'm gonna show ya'll how we do it up in Forks yo! We ain't got no smack down! Oh an allabye! We gots ta have sing off!"

"Okay...I'll do it if we can stop talking like this…" Jacob responded.

They shook…….their hands that is…..


End file.
